Validation

Validation

It is a powerful concept.

How much of what we say and do feeds on validation?

Do you post on social media and then wait patiently not so patiently for those notifications to roll in of likes and comments? Do you get upset when there aren't any or even worse, someone disagrees with you or your opinion?

We live in a technological age that is allowing us to share intentionally, and sometimes unintentionally, our opinions in a very large crowded room. This can be a very uncomfortable feeling.

Most of us have grown up with a very small audience to our opinions. Sure, our brothers and sisters disagreed with us, but we fought and moved on. We've disagreed with our parents, but hey they gave birth to us so we give them the benefit of the doubt. Friends, well we tend to keep the ones that agree and toss the ones that don't. That is unless we really like them, then we overlook some things.

But the internet ... it's a very large room full of strangers and not so strangers.

You like an article or post a status. It pops up in someone's feed and they don't like it. (Read, they don't like me.) Or they leave a comment. Quick check! are they agreeing or disagreeing? OH NO, they disagree! If it's someone we know they may lecture us on how wrong we are for "agreeing" with such a thing. If it's someone we don't know they may tell us all the reasons we are wrong and call us a "douche-canoe" (or some other fun insult).

Invalidated.

Depressed.

Angry.

Unsettled.

Pick one or make up your own. It happens to us all at some point.

Guess what? Your opinion is just that, your's. You can have it. You don't need anyone to agree with it. Agreement is not necessary for validation. You are a person. You have a brain and a heart. You are valid. Did you hear me?

YOU ARE VALID! 

Your opinion may be right. Your opinion may be wrong. It does not change your validation status.  If you believe something, have the courage and conviction to not need everyone else's agreement. You do not need everyone to tell you are OK or right. If you do, then it is time to really reevaluate what you believe.

Maybe it's time for an opinion check. Do a little research. Hear some people out on why they feel the way they do. Pray. Read. Sit quietly with yourself and figure out who you are and why you believe the things you do. You may just find that validation you searched so hard for in other people's approval when you finally approve of yourself.

Love me, Like me, Hate me, Reject me

I started this blog months ago with visions of writing all of my thoughts and wise words to share with the world only to realize my huge fear of letting anyone in to see the real me.

I am not a neat little package all wrapped up with a bow. My paper tears, wrinkles, and sometimes runs short. Bow...what bow? it must have fallen of in the car.

I am not the prim and proper little girl with a frilly, lacy dress and good manners. Frilly, lacy dresses ITCH and good manners tend to be for someone trying to sell you something while trying to make you feel warm and fuzzy.

I am not the sophisticated, well-spoken, demure woman of God I thought I should be. I have challenging questions, thoughts and revelations that make me and everyone else uncomfortable. I have said 'crap" from the pulpit in church, and people are lucky I didn't say worse.  I love God and He loves me, but we sometimes have words and it's not always pretty.

I can be all of the above things if I have to be, but it is hard work that ends up leaving me feeling tired, empty and alone with a very real  "me" that no one really knows.

Honestly, I am a mess. I am 43 years old with screwed up hormones, an empty nest, an identity crisis, and a sack of stories I am afraid to tell for fear of the back-lash. I have spent so many years trying to say and do the acceptable things so that no one would "talk" about me, but I found out they talked about me anyway. I have worried when it seemed some people did not like or accept me no matter what I did, and then I realized I didn't really like the ones I was worried about that much anyway.

I know you aren't supposed to not like people, and I know people say you can love them but you don't have to like them. That is a bunch of bull. It is terribly difficult to love someone you do not like, so stop trying to be so spiritual about it.  Maybe it isn't about liking or not liking people as much as realizing who you should and should not let have serious influence in your life. Maybe just maybe it is ok to have different levels of relationships in your life with different people. Maybe it is ok to have boundaries and to make choices on who to allow on the property of your life.

So this is me trying to just be me. Love me, like me, hate me, reject me; that is up to you. I need to be myself regardless of the outcome. I have to start loving me. I have to start accepting me. It ultimately doesn't matter if anyone else does.