50 Shades of Indignation

I am filled with indignation today. It is probably not for the reasons you have imagined.

I have spent the last few days reading blogs, comments, diatribes, and arguments over the 50 Shades of Grey movie and book series. And to be honest, I am ticked.

It seems to me that people are very quick to come to the rescue of Anastasia, a fictional character by the way. Equally, they are desperate to save the masses from themselves or some would be abuser like their view of Mr Grey, also fictional.

I have one or maybe several questions. Where are these impassioned, enraged people when a real person tries to get help? What do they say or do when a woman comes to them with concerns over the manipulation and abusiveness of a boyfriend, husband, brother, co-worker, or even father? Are they so quick to take up the fight for real people with real faces and real names?

My experience says no, they are hiding behind their computers, desks, and pulpits. The only words they have are platitudes, misunderstood scripture and promises of "I'll pray for you". They are not quick to take up the fight because it scares the pants off of them.

And why would't it? Normal sex has been too scary to talk about, perverted sex even worse.

I'll be honest, I have not read the 50 Shades books. I haven't seen the movie. I will probably never will because I am not into bondage. It's not my cup of tea, but I refuse to criticize something I have not even cracked the cover of.

I, however, have been privy to someone's blank stare, change of subject, accusation of lying, or even an accusation of "initiating it". I have had people come to me with similar experiences, I have been told to just forgive and forget; you know because the Bible says to "Honor your father". I have seen a woman in an outright abusive relationship be told to stay because "God hates divorce". I seen people left abandoned and helpless because others just didn't know what to do and they didn't want to get involved.

You know what? bad stuff happens. Most people who have been or are being abused just want to be validated and protected. Their identities are being stripped away along with their self-worth. Don't become another one of their abusers.

It is high time we stop sending our impassioned pleas out into cyberspace! Those words are lost on nameless, faceless causes. Real people need real help. You won't have to go looking for someone to help, you probably already know someone going through something. When they decide to talk to you....LISTEN. That is the number one best thing you can do. People need to be heard and if they are being abused they are not being heard. They need you to hear them. I needed someone to hear me.

I finally got help, not from my abuser or my accusers, but from a few that were willing to listen and walk with me through a very dark emotional and spiritual healing. Hurting people do not need platitudes. They do not need your opinion. They need to be heard. They need to be understood. It will be rough. But,however rough it is for you, it is worse for the hurting one.

If you believe this movie/book is going to hurt a generation then my advice to you is to get ready. Do not make the mistakes of past, be they your own or the Church's. Be ready to listen and to help where help is wanted. Be quick to hear the Lord and not your opinion. The Church must become a healing balm and not a whip. We must become a healing hospital and not a jail house. We must become a healing liberator and not a court room.

Do not be distracted by the sound of your own voice. Do not be lured by cyberspace protesting. Do not get caught up in the frenzy of social media. Find yourself active where you feet touch the earth and your voice can be heard by open ears. Exchange your pleas to the masses for compassion and understand for the individual.

Remember, someone needs you to be even more impassioned for their issue than the masses do for your opinion of 50 Shades of Grey.

PS in case you don't already know, this applies to men as well as women. Women are not the only people getting abused.

Syncretism

Syncretism
noun
1. the amalgamation or attempted amalgamation of different religions, cultures, or schools of thought.

"My ideas about God weren't all good, all bad, or even all Christian. They were a syncretism of good theology, bad parenting, Lutheran passivity, and American culture." Susan E Isaacs author of Angry Conversations with God

I love when I run across a word that I do not know. I am quick to look it up to gain a grasp of it's meaning.

This word, syncretism, stood out to me, not only because I did not recognize it, but because of the context in which it was used. In her memoir, Isaacs is trying to deal with how her relationship with God went off the rails by going to marriage counseling with God. This to me is a fascinating concept that is completely based on her perception of God and conversations that basically take place with the help of her imagination (and probably with just a smidge of God intervention. I'm only on page 17 so I do not know exactly how this is going to go, but it looks to be an adventure.

Anyway, in the quote, she describes the makeup/syncretism of her belief system. Based on the definition of this word, it might would be easy to become offended by this whole statement, but a person being honest with oneself would realize we each have a syncretism of many different ideas from many different places that make up our image of God; good, bad, and ugly. I know I do. You may say "Well I get all my ideas straight from the Bible!" but in reality you probably read the Bible with your own life filters, word definitions and cultural ideas. I do and at 44 I can tell you that my understanding about things I read in the Bible and understand about God have changed a few times over the years simply because I either matured or gained new knowledge I did not previously possess. That is the glory of growth.

So that is it, I just wanted to share my new word with whoever is reading this, even if it's just me.

The Women in My Head

I have two children, both girls, both adults now.  I will call them Princess Leia and Wonder Woman, you know... the first and the last. Haha. Anyway, when Princess Leia was in high school and she did something silly. She would tell me that "the Blondes" were in charge on any given day. Upon further investigation into the mind of my imagination rich daughter, I found out she liked to believe she had a group of blondes, a group of brunettes, and a fiery red head (cause you only need one) who were in charge of her brain on any given day. The blondes were silly, playful and carefree. The brunettes were serious, smart, and business-like. The red head, well she was fiery and feisty (things Princess Leia wanted to be but did not believe she was). More often than not the blondes and brunettes ganged up on the red head and locked her in a closest. Then they would proceed to war over who would run the show.  It was anyone's game and everyday was a new opportunity to be in charge. Now, she knows that none of this is true. She is also very aware of the serious amount of stereo-typing involved (we have a family full of awesome women of every hair color). This though is what helped her to understand that she, as a woman, is a very complex being.

I believe most people would agree with the complexity of women as evidenced by this meme I have seen floating around the internet and Pinterest:

It even went so far as to say this is a condensed version. It is ok to laugh...it's funny. We are complex. We are unpredictable. We are soft and we are hard. We are quiet and we are loud. Sometimes we laugh. Sometimes we yell. Sometimes we cry.  And when we are really ticked, we go silent. We experience every degree of emotion, sometimes within minutes. We think about everything at one time. We see and know the name of every color from Crimson to Violet (that's red and purple for you men folk).  

Speaking of men, I have had a number of them tell me they are glad, in fact they thank God they are not women. That's a good thing. We need men; strong, sweaty, simple, handsome, smart, gentlemanly, bug-killing, handy men. Men need women and women need men. That's just the way it is and the sooner we figure that out the better everyone will be. 

I am telling you all of this for a reason. I want you to know about a book we in my Bible study group have been reading. Now before I tell you the name, I am going to warn you. If you are religious, old fashioned, and not ready to be real with yourself and others, stop reading. You will not be interested in this book; it's not for you.  

That said, this is the book:

So far it has been wonderful. It truly is opening us up to see beauty within and grace for every part of each of us. While you are reading it feels like someone has gotten a hold of your private thoughts and written them down. It cuts. It heals. It exposes. It covers. 

Beauty and the Bitch: Grace for the Worst of Me (Amazon) I have included a link in case your are interested. The Kindle version is only like 6 bucks. I love my Kindle by the way! We are going to keep reading and see where it goes and I hope you will check it out too. Tell me what you think. 

"In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." - Albert Camus

Choices

I am sick to my stomach today. You wanna know why? It is this crap about living like you're gonna die young. I have had so many conversations through the years with people who have this attitude. Apparently Ke$ha thinks it's such a good idea she sings about it in a catchy song.

Do you know how many twenty, thirty, forty even fifty-somethings (and even older) out there believed they were gonna die young and are not dead yet? A lot, that's how many. Do you know how many did die young, or are dying young, and wish they could have lived to be old? A lot, dare I say most.

The belief about dying young is just code for "I want to be irresponsible and not have to wake up and face the reality I created with all my bad irresponsible choices". Yes I said CHOICES.

Guess what? The choices you make in your life are just that, YOUR CHOICES. You cannot truly stand and say it was someone else's fault when you leave a wake of destruction behind you as a result of choices you make. Honestly chances are really good you will live to be much much older than you are right now, even with all your bad choices. One day you are going to have to stand up and say "yes, I did ____" and "no, I did not do ____". You will have to own it. It's on you. Period.

I think this is the real reason people want to believe there is no heaven or hell, because if there is then death will not even keep you from facing choices you make. All I will say about that is "WHAT A HUGE GAMBLE". There is way too much evidence to speak of an afterlife to think that death is any kind of an escape. But if you are willing to take the risk, go ahead.

As far as life goes, keep in mind, you are not the only one who pays for your choices. You are the sower/planter of them and you will reap their fruit; remember though, others will eat of their fruit as well. You, your parents, your spouse,  your siblings, your children, your friends, your co-workers, and your victims will all in some way taste the fruit of your choices. Wait did I say VICTIMS? Yes, yes I did! Your bad choices may/will lead to many different scenarios in which you will leave victims behind. I know that's hard to chew on because in this selfish attitude about living like you're gonna die young is the inherent belief that you are the only one affected by your choices. That is a a HUGE LIE. Stop believing this insanity. You are not an island. You do not live in a bubble You are not alone.

Your life touches so many people. Your choices matter. Your life matters. YOU MATTER!!!!!

I will leave with this: May your days be long and your choices wise! 

Love me, Like me, Hate me, Reject me

I started this blog months ago with visions of writing all of my thoughts and wise words to share with the world only to realize my huge fear of letting anyone in to see the real me.

I am not a neat little package all wrapped up with a bow. My paper tears, wrinkles, and sometimes runs short. Bow...what bow? it must have fallen of in the car.

I am not the prim and proper little girl with a frilly, lacy dress and good manners. Frilly, lacy dresses ITCH and good manners tend to be for someone trying to sell you something while trying to make you feel warm and fuzzy.

I am not the sophisticated, well-spoken, demure woman of God I thought I should be. I have challenging questions, thoughts and revelations that make me and everyone else uncomfortable. I have said 'crap" from the pulpit in church, and people are lucky I didn't say worse.  I love God and He loves me, but we sometimes have words and it's not always pretty.

I can be all of the above things if I have to be, but it is hard work that ends up leaving me feeling tired, empty and alone with a very real  "me" that no one really knows.

Honestly, I am a mess. I am 43 years old with screwed up hormones, an empty nest, an identity crisis, and a sack of stories I am afraid to tell for fear of the back-lash. I have spent so many years trying to say and do the acceptable things so that no one would "talk" about me, but I found out they talked about me anyway. I have worried when it seemed some people did not like or accept me no matter what I did, and then I realized I didn't really like the ones I was worried about that much anyway.

I know you aren't supposed to not like people, and I know people say you can love them but you don't have to like them. That is a bunch of bull. It is terribly difficult to love someone you do not like, so stop trying to be so spiritual about it.  Maybe it isn't about liking or not liking people as much as realizing who you should and should not let have serious influence in your life. Maybe just maybe it is ok to have different levels of relationships in your life with different people. Maybe it is ok to have boundaries and to make choices on who to allow on the property of your life.

So this is me trying to just be me. Love me, like me, hate me, reject me; that is up to you. I need to be myself regardless of the outcome. I have to start loving me. I have to start accepting me. It ultimately doesn't matter if anyone else does.