Validation

Validation

It is a powerful concept.

How much of what we say and do feeds on validation?

Do you post on social media and then wait patiently not so patiently for those notifications to roll in of likes and comments? Do you get upset when there aren't any or even worse, someone disagrees with you or your opinion?

We live in a technological age that is allowing us to share intentionally, and sometimes unintentionally, our opinions in a very large crowded room. This can be a very uncomfortable feeling.

Most of us have grown up with a very small audience to our opinions. Sure, our brothers and sisters disagreed with us, but we fought and moved on. We've disagreed with our parents, but hey they gave birth to us so we give them the benefit of the doubt. Friends, well we tend to keep the ones that agree and toss the ones that don't. That is unless we really like them, then we overlook some things.

But the internet ... it's a very large room full of strangers and not so strangers.

You like an article or post a status. It pops up in someone's feed and they don't like it. (Read, they don't like me.) Or they leave a comment. Quick check! are they agreeing or disagreeing? OH NO, they disagree! If it's someone we know they may lecture us on how wrong we are for "agreeing" with such a thing. If it's someone we don't know they may tell us all the reasons we are wrong and call us a "douche-canoe" (or some other fun insult).

Invalidated.

Depressed.

Angry.

Unsettled.

Pick one or make up your own. It happens to us all at some point.

Guess what? Your opinion is just that, your's. You can have it. You don't need anyone to agree with it. Agreement is not necessary for validation. You are a person. You have a brain and a heart. You are valid. Did you hear me?

YOU ARE VALID! 

Your opinion may be right. Your opinion may be wrong. It does not change your validation status.  If you believe something, have the courage and conviction to not need everyone else's agreement. You do not need everyone to tell you are OK or right. If you do, then it is time to really reevaluate what you believe.

Maybe it's time for an opinion check. Do a little research. Hear some people out on why they feel the way they do. Pray. Read. Sit quietly with yourself and figure out who you are and why you believe the things you do. You may just find that validation you searched so hard for in other people's approval when you finally approve of yourself.

Seriously? 52 Books in 52 Weeks

In January I started a reading challenge that is stretching me real bad. Last year I read somewhere around 20 books. This challenge, if completed (and it will be), will leave me having read 52 books in one year. Oh yeah and not just books I like but ones that are 100 years old or a Pulitzer Prize winner. *insert snarky face.

Don't get me wrong, I like to read, be it a little on the slow side, but I like to read what I enjoy. I like to be entertained while being challenged to think. In the midst of my 40's I find me trying to better myself or maybe catch up on stuff I avoided so that... I don't know...perhaps I can be a "grown up".

Well let me tell you being a "grown up" is over-rated with a capital O. Here I am on March 15th and I am on my 8th book. I should be on number 10 or 11. What happened?

I'll tell you what happened. The Picture of Dorian Gray is what happened. OH. MY. LORD. If I could meet Oscar Wilde I would slap his face and stamp "Superfluous" on his book in red ink like my high school English teacher would have done to me. That story has so many useless words. I thought it would be interesting. Dorian Gray has popped up in other things I enjoyed; like League of Extraordinary Gentlemen or Penny Dreadful and I liked him just fine. But this book - ugh. It is not even that long, but I trudged through it for 3 weeks. He rambled on in my head for 3 weeks only to climax and end in about a page and half. Figures.

The one book that has truly been a joy was Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. I loved it. It was amazing. I have talked about it to anyone I thought might read it. Ready Player One is set about 30 years in the future, but is filled front to back with 80's pop culture references, especially ones about video games. The main character (Wade Watts) is a teenager who practically lives in a virtual reality world called OASIS, whose creator (James Halliday), a teen in the 80's, has left behind an "Easter Egg" in the wake of his death. I also was a teenager in the 80's and have been known to play a video game or two, so this was quite a nostalgic read for me. After a while I barely noticed the 80's stuff because I got very involved with the characters and the story itself. A lot of it is a mystery that you as the reader will not be able to solve without the characters. In turn they find themselves in the same predicament with each other as the whole thing is based on a competition to find the "Easter Egg" that will leave someone very very wealthy. Like filthy stickin' rich wealthy. It's a really good story. Did I mention I loved this book?

So far I have read: Holes in the Ground by JA Konrath
                               Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn
                               The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde
                               Chosen by KF Breene
                               The Housewife Assassin's Handbook by Josie Brown
                               The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
                               Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

Currently I am reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. I have a few others I am reading on occasion: Renew Your Mind in 30 Days by Phil Drysdale, Angry Conversations with God by Susan E Isaacs, and The Walking Dead Compendium One by Robert Kirkman.

My book selection process has been interesting, almost like a research project. I really am trying to branch out. For a very long time I read primarily Christian fiction and then started reading more Young Adult stuff. (I love the Hunger Games trilogy and The Uglies series.) I have taken the prompts on the challenge and attempted to get outside my comfort zone while trying not to commit reading suicide. I am doing pretty good so far, no thanks to Dorian Gray and Oscar Wilde. Summertime will surely see me caught up since I love to sit in the sun and read a good book.

Here is the challenge if you are interested: PopSugar 2015 Reading Challenge
Also Goodreads.com has a great group working on the challenge: Ultimate 2015 Reading Challenge

Fight Club (for my hormones)

Sometimes life is hard.

Lately it's been hard.

I'm generally a pretty positive person, but I gotta tell you the hormonal shifts that hit you in your forty's are just not nice. It has been nearly 24 years since this body has had a baby and I guess my ovaries, uterus, and other hormonal organs have been having regular meetings about retiring and their feelings about that.

These meetings make their old PMS monthly gatherings look like a church bake sale.

These meetings are somewhat unpredictable and feel a lot like Fight Club, and everyone knows the first rule of Fight Club is we don't talk about Fight Club.

Well, I don't like Fight Club's gag order! I think we should talk about what happens with our lady parts. There is no shame! We ladies make up half the population which means half of humans go through some sort of menopausal symptoms as some point!

Mine range from feeling itchy, depressed, tired, angry, emotional, sensitive, bloated and sometimes numb. I hardly recognize who I have become.

I'll be honest and tell you I have found a few things that have helped.

I take Cinnamon/Chromium everyday along with vitamin D. I use a combo of essential oils in a carrier oil on my feet: Clary Sage, Vitex Berry and Ylang Ylang.

The Vitex Berry aka Chaste berry has helped my periods go back to a more normal schedule. They had gotten to 23 days apart with breakthrough bleeding - YIKES!. Now they are more like 27 and regular. I tried the Vitex in a supplement form and while it worked, it gave me heartburn all the time ( apparently everything gives me heartburn now- yay)

The Clary Sage helps with my moods, especially so if I use it in a diffuser. Sometimes I add a couple drops of spearmint. It makes a happy smell.

The Ylang Ylang helps with mood too, along with other health benefits like lowering blood pressure ( I only recently added this to my routine). Let me tell you though, Ylang Ylang smells like a freakin' funeral home, WOW- yeah. I advise using it sparingly!

I really like Native American Nutritionals essential oils. I also have quite a few Plant Therapy essential oils - they are okay. They do not smell as good as the NAN counterparts. If you have a friend who sells oils from DoTerra or Young Living, you should consider buying something from them, if for no other reason than to just be supportive. Essential Oils really are great and trust me I was super skeptical before I tried them! One small bottle can last you a very long time since they are highly concentrated.

I found out just how concentrated they are. My little granddaughter has a light skin sensitivity to cinnamon. I forgot this, mostly because I had never seen it personally. I let her sniff the cinnamon oil and apparently it barely touched her little nose. After a few minutes she started crying and rubbing her nose and face. Within just a couple of seconds her whole face was bright red and hot to the touch. I pinned her down and washed her face and she quit crying. She never got any worse but her cute little face was red and hot like that for about an hour, like someone had painted her face and she had smeared it all around. I felt so bad, even though she didn't even seem to notice. Mark my words - Essential Oils are highly concentrated and can cause skin sensitivity, even if you've never reacted! Always dilute with some kind of carrier. Read the warnings and don't let your little munchkins sniff straight from the bottle :).

Okay - enough of my public service announcement!

Like I said sometimes life is hard. Don't give up, Talk about what's going on. Do research. If you don't want to go natural or nothing is working, see a doctor. They should be able to help. Hang in there. Life doesn't stay hard forever.

...I hope :)

Coincidence or not? LOL

50 Shades of Indignation

I am filled with indignation today. It is probably not for the reasons you have imagined.

I have spent the last few days reading blogs, comments, diatribes, and arguments over the 50 Shades of Grey movie and book series. And to be honest, I am ticked.

It seems to me that people are very quick to come to the rescue of Anastasia, a fictional character by the way. Equally, they are desperate to save the masses from themselves or some would be abuser like their view of Mr Grey, also fictional.

I have one or maybe several questions. Where are these impassioned, enraged people when a real person tries to get help? What do they say or do when a woman comes to them with concerns over the manipulation and abusiveness of a boyfriend, husband, brother, co-worker, or even father? Are they so quick to take up the fight for real people with real faces and real names?

My experience says no, they are hiding behind their computers, desks, and pulpits. The only words they have are platitudes, misunderstood scripture and promises of "I'll pray for you". They are not quick to take up the fight because it scares the pants off of them.

And why would't it? Normal sex has been too scary to talk about, perverted sex even worse.

I'll be honest, I have not read the 50 Shades books. I haven't seen the movie. I will probably never will because I am not into bondage. It's not my cup of tea, but I refuse to criticize something I have not even cracked the cover of.

I, however, have been privy to someone's blank stare, change of subject, accusation of lying, or even an accusation of "initiating it". I have had people come to me with similar experiences, I have been told to just forgive and forget; you know because the Bible says to "Honor your father". I have seen a woman in an outright abusive relationship be told to stay because "God hates divorce". I seen people left abandoned and helpless because others just didn't know what to do and they didn't want to get involved.

You know what? bad stuff happens. Most people who have been or are being abused just want to be validated and protected. Their identities are being stripped away along with their self-worth. Don't become another one of their abusers.

It is high time we stop sending our impassioned pleas out into cyberspace! Those words are lost on nameless, faceless causes. Real people need real help. You won't have to go looking for someone to help, you probably already know someone going through something. When they decide to talk to you....LISTEN. That is the number one best thing you can do. People need to be heard and if they are being abused they are not being heard. They need you to hear them. I needed someone to hear me.

I finally got help, not from my abuser or my accusers, but from a few that were willing to listen and walk with me through a very dark emotional and spiritual healing. Hurting people do not need platitudes. They do not need your opinion. They need to be heard. They need to be understood. It will be rough. But,however rough it is for you, it is worse for the hurting one.

If you believe this movie/book is going to hurt a generation then my advice to you is to get ready. Do not make the mistakes of past, be they your own or the Church's. Be ready to listen and to help where help is wanted. Be quick to hear the Lord and not your opinion. The Church must become a healing balm and not a whip. We must become a healing hospital and not a jail house. We must become a healing liberator and not a court room.

Do not be distracted by the sound of your own voice. Do not be lured by cyberspace protesting. Do not get caught up in the frenzy of social media. Find yourself active where you feet touch the earth and your voice can be heard by open ears. Exchange your pleas to the masses for compassion and understand for the individual.

Remember, someone needs you to be even more impassioned for their issue than the masses do for your opinion of 50 Shades of Grey.

PS in case you don't already know, this applies to men as well as women. Women are not the only people getting abused.

Princess Leia and Wonder Woman

I have 2 twenty-something daughters.

They have real names but for internet consumption I gave them the aliases Princess Leia and Wonder Woman. Why those names, you ask? Because they're awesome and they embody characteristics of both girls.

Much like Princess Leia my oldest has always surrounded herself with some real characters, most of which have been male, one even furry like Chewbacca, haha. She may be small in stature but can fight through most anything, especially because she understands the value of a good team. She is intuitive, creative, sensitive and tough. She is both princess and Jedi, a true space opera Diva.

Now the younger Wonder Woman is all Goddess, a woman among women. She is a classy, sassy, voluptuous, take charge and make you tell the truth kind of woman. She is the boss. She most definitely can hold her own running with all those men; Superman, Batman, Aquaman, Spiderman, Business Man, Husbandman (he's pretty sure he's a superhero, lol) etc.

There are probably other comparisons I could make but it's late and I am tired.

There are plenty of other people in my life but these 2 I birthed and they are some of the best friends I have. I tend to mention them often, so you needed to be introduced. Say "hi" everyone!

PS. Here's a shout out to my 2 grandbabies (there's more on the way), Nonie loves you munchkins!!!

Syncretism

Syncretism
noun
1. the amalgamation or attempted amalgamation of different religions, cultures, or schools of thought.

"My ideas about God weren't all good, all bad, or even all Christian. They were a syncretism of good theology, bad parenting, Lutheran passivity, and American culture." Susan E Isaacs author of Angry Conversations with God

I love when I run across a word that I do not know. I am quick to look it up to gain a grasp of it's meaning.

This word, syncretism, stood out to me, not only because I did not recognize it, but because of the context in which it was used. In her memoir, Isaacs is trying to deal with how her relationship with God went off the rails by going to marriage counseling with God. This to me is a fascinating concept that is completely based on her perception of God and conversations that basically take place with the help of her imagination (and probably with just a smidge of God intervention. I'm only on page 17 so I do not know exactly how this is going to go, but it looks to be an adventure.

Anyway, in the quote, she describes the makeup/syncretism of her belief system. Based on the definition of this word, it might would be easy to become offended by this whole statement, but a person being honest with oneself would realize we each have a syncretism of many different ideas from many different places that make up our image of God; good, bad, and ugly. I know I do. You may say "Well I get all my ideas straight from the Bible!" but in reality you probably read the Bible with your own life filters, word definitions and cultural ideas. I do and at 44 I can tell you that my understanding about things I read in the Bible and understand about God have changed a few times over the years simply because I either matured or gained new knowledge I did not previously possess. That is the glory of growth.

So that is it, I just wanted to share my new word with whoever is reading this, even if it's just me.